


Is-Was-Will Be

by Siderea



Category: Supernatural, The Bible
Genre: Religious Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siderea/pseuds/Siderea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zie is everywhere.  Zie is nowhere.  Zie is everyone.  Zie is nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is-Was-Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for religious themes and what might be considered blasphemy, especially due to the view point character.
> 
> 'Zie' is a gender-neutral pronoun that is here used sort of as a noun due to the character represented by the term.
> 
> I do not own Supernatural, nor am I a rabbi, minister, priest, guru, etc. of any kind.  
> Dialogue taken directly from Supernatural S5x16 'Dark Side of the Moon'.  
> Spoilers through the end of Season 5, with foreshadowing/hints of later seasons.

Zie had once known so much more, Zie knew that very well, but everything had come to hurt so much and for so long that Zie had retreated, fast and far, and now the pain was only a little whisper at the edge of Zie’s world. Zie had made a home in the little Warm Places and now it had become impossible to leave the refuges. To willingly abandoning everything that Zie needed to go back to the Cold Place—no, Zie would never do that. The only thing that would get Zie to leave was another Warm Place, and even then Zie wouldn’t leave per se, just expand to occupy the new Warm Place. But never another Cold Place; never never never again. Zie had promised that, even if almost no one had heard.

Friend had heard, but Friend always heard. Friend understood Zie, the way no one else did, but Friend was a Gardener who could hear what he nurtured. That was why Zie was still with Friend, in his hugely tiny Warm Place in the middle of one of the Coldest Places.

The Cold Place that existed around Friend scared Zie because Zie knew, deep down, that Friend’s Cold Place had once been the Warmest Place. Zie didn’t like to remember that. Instead, Zie burrowed further into the Warm Place, where Mother petted Son’s hair and cooed him through his fever dreams, concern and affection and Warmth-so-much-Warmth focused on Son. Zie snuggled into that Warmth, letting it seep in.

Zie sighed in contentment, and ignored the distant prickles of pain-Cold that danced down the edge of Zie’s awareness.

X

_“Actually, He has a message for you. Back off.”_

_“What?”_

_“He knows already. Everything you want to tell Him.”_

_“But…”_

_“He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn’t think it’s his problem.”_

_“Not his problem?”_

_“God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you Salvation in Heaven, and after everything you’ve done, too. It’s more than He’s intervened in a long time. He’s finished. Magic amulet or not, you won’t be able to find Him.”_

_“But He can stop it. He can stop all of it.”_

_“I suppose He could but He won’t.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Why does He allow evil in the first place. You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that.”_

X

Zie can feel the anger and disappointment, even as removed as Zie is, and Zie trembles and cringes and contracts further. The message Zie asked Friend to give the Righteous Man and his companions was mean, Zie knows, but... Zie can only do so much. Zie, like Friend, wants to do so much more, but Zie can only do so much.

Zie is everything and nothing, Eldest Son and Favorite Child, Righteous Man and Boy King, Rebellious Youngling and Narrow-minded Elder. And it tears Zie apart in ways no one has ever comprehended, not even Friend.

There had been many reasons to retreat from the Cold Places, but that was perhaps the most pressing one of all. No one could survive a war against oneself for so long, but Zie had managed for a while. And then lost everything when Zie failed.

Still, Zie keeps an eye on the Righteous Man and the Boy King, watches the End and, against all odds, finds a Warm Place in the middle of what should have been the End. So Zie reaches through to that Warm Place, that thing inside the Righteous Man that will always love his brother, and Zie stretches out. It’s not much; just a glint of light off the roof of Baby, another Warm Place where Zie has often sheltered.

It’s enough. The Boy King rewrites the End of Everything.

And Zie’s heart breaks as the new road opens up in front of Zie. This is why interfering is dangerous. Zie retreats rapidly from the Righteous Man as Warm Place turns bitingly Cold, anger and hate sharp as knives, directed right at Zie.

Zie huddles in, pulling everything close, and tries not to whimper.

There can be no do overs, Zie knows. This will be one more scar on the Righteous Man’s heart, one more scar on Zie’s surface.

**Author's Note:**

> According to one theory in Kabbalah (Jewish mystic tradition), G-d is everyone and everything, and the point of mysticism is to see everyone as the facet of the divine that they truly are, rather than the 'veil' or 'garment' that hides that divine aspect.
> 
> Another theory in Kabbalah is that because G-d is infinite and infinity, G-d only needs one thing: love.
> 
> The title of this work comes from one possible translation of the Hebrew name for G-d (YHWH).


End file.
